Passport Life

recently i've had a itchin' in my bones...i've been a little restless, withdrawn & scattered. this isn't too far from my normal demeanor-i'm always kind of a mess :) i mean i'm the girl that gets BBQ sauce on the butt of her party dress at a wedding-yeah...i'm a catch hahaha. back to that itch...

lately, well for a while actually, i have had this desire to exist somewhere else. anywhere else. i want a passport life. for some reason, as much as i love my family and friends (who are like my family), i feel like i have this gypsy heart. i want to...go. go and not look back, not feel roots somewhere else...go and take in a new place, become a local at a different coffee shop then just be gone one day. see the odd thing is i don't have a desire to put down roots somewhere else. it is almost like i don't want to get rooted but the flip side is this intense longing in me for that soul mate connection...perhaps he'll be a gypsy as well? :)

i think this recent surge of daydreaming about an existance in another place or country can be blamed on a number of things, most of which are too personal and in-depth to get into...but i'll pick the easiest one: a blog. there. i said it. i'm so modern. the blogger, holly, is originally from SC but married a German & they spend part of their time in Germany & part in the US. recently, they have made a more permenant move to Germany & she is loving it. in the blog she discusses her preparations, sacrafices and new experiences. this is also a decorating blog...weird i know but she has load of pictures, ideas and "mood boards" with the posts. i'm so interested in her design taste as well as how personal she makes each entry. she is a little scattered, perhaps that is why i like her so much, she is also indecisive (again...i see a pattern forming here) and she has this fabulous life. seriously, its fabulous. she isn't super wealthy, she has saved, sacraficed, budgeted and worked hard. i think part of the reason i like her sooo much is b/c she wasn't handed this experience. she didn't go for her job, she isn't a "trust-fund baby," she made the necessary choices to make this dream a reality & i respect her for those decisions as they weren't easy or comfortable. her situation sort of helps me realize that perhaps my daydreams aren't so unattainable. it also makes me long, almost uncontrollably, for something else. don't get me wrong. i love my people & apart from a few issues i love my job & my work people. i just wonder if i'll get to actually do it. i don't think that i could live my life so unconnected from people-i desire love and love to love others too much for that. but i wonder if i'll ever get to be somewhere else. if saying things like, "taking the rail to ...." will be a part of my normal every day life.

truthfully, i'm my own worst enemy. on the heels of each daydream is the "reality monster." i talk myself down by obsessing over the money it would cost to start up somewhere else, where would i live-in truth i would have to be a couch hippy or be blessed enough to find a room to rent for like $1 a month. i think about the fear i have, the personal issues i have that hold me back....the list is on and on and on. but in the end...the daydream starts up again :)

what about you? what do you daydream about? do you desire to pick up and go w/o looking back?

p.s. i have decided to not care so much about capitalization and such. it just feels more relaxed this way. while i'll strive to be "readable" i want this to feel like friends talking. not too formal. :)