*when i typed that title i thought of those end of the world scenes where they grab a shirt and toothbrush and go...also, when in slovakia for a summer- how i felt when i was trying to go to the bathroom with my pack on my back and almost missing a train :)
right now i'm hearing the sounds of a youngin'. thankfully, said youngin' isn't screaming but saying, "hey, hey" over and over again. i can live with it...he sounds cute...cute and in the other room! :)
ok...so when i heard the kid i had a few emotions/thoughts wash over me: 1. *sigh* that kid is loud 2. thank god isn't not screaming 3. i'm never having kids...4. crap! i'm never having kids...i need to hurry up! hahahaaha
the hurry up part is somewhat out of character for me. i tend to think that i don't want or will have kids. i think in my old life as a misguided youth i thought that i HAD to get hitched and have childrens. for the record, i don't think there is anything wrong with having kids. some of my favorite people have produced some awesome kids-i want to come back as one of their children or grandchildren :) but in my adult life i don't know about kids. it sounds scary to put out there almost like i'm not a good person or woman. i know they are amazing and add so much to your life and all that jazz but i'm not sure i would be good at it. thats a big commitment. i mean you not only have to love them but you have to like them forever. even when they are out of hand, rude or just making the worst decisions possible. thats a terrible kind of love. terrible as in there is no way to escape it nor would you want to.
if i'm honest, lately i've felt the need to hurry up about alot of things. i need to hurry up and have kids, i need to hurry up and buy a house or whatever else i've been holding back on. the truth is 30 feels more like 20something. i guess thats the perks of being a "half adult"-a family joke. and if i'm honest the only reason i feel the pressure is b/c i think i SHOULD be doing those things. i think that way b/c everyone around me is...no i'm not jumping off a bridge anytime soon but almost everyone i know is either married, getting married, have kids/want them or planning them. i'm still a free gypsy like i have been :) if i further stretch the honesty fabric i would realize a couple of things: 1. their lives are totally different than mine. 2. thats ok. i am not in the position to get married so thinking about getting married and having kids is somewhat premature.
i also have to remind myself that my life is very full even as a barren woman :)
Hey, hey, ..hey ,hey.. ,hey ,hey..
ReplyDeleteI agree! I feel like everyone already is or is about to get married too! Granted most of my friends are older but still..
:) you are funny fella mattcurry! f
ReplyDeletei'm glad you understand me when i talk about the marriage thing...wait till the old italian lady at the bakery asks why you aren't married (happens when i go home): "vyy aren't u marvied yet? noshing wrong with you."